April Poetry Day eleven - A letter exchange - Discussing Haiku

Dear friends,

School is going better (thanks for your support).

My writing instructor scolded me in front of the class for submitting poetry 

(when we are supposed to be writing short stories)

And to further the humiliation, he said it was not very good poetry.

 So I am sending you some to see what you think.

Would appreciate any feedback you can give.

Thanks.

Dear Verlie,

     Your battles with the creative writing teacher sound great.

Re: haiku —- for sure just counting syllables doesn’t even start 

to define the form...to simply tell a feeling doesn’t make it—-

three quick brush strokes and the SEEING is in the listener.

Too bad you don’t tape record your better confrontations—

they must be beauties.

I like the Frog Haiku, the image that is. Too many words wasted connecting the lines.

Frogs who sang a round

All starless night til dawn have

left moons in the pond.

Let me make the connections 

Uh, I’m a little hazy on this, but 

how about something like

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.

I’ll try again

Frogs singing a round

All the starless night till dawn___too many beats

Leaving moons in the pond.

Hmm, that’s even worse.

     Last try...

Frogs singing a round

All through this starless night

Left moons in the pond.

That’s no good, second line needs another syllable.

Frogs singing a round

Through all this starless night till dawn

Left moons in the pond.

I think I better stop—perhaps your anthropomorphic loving teach

(or is that egocentric) would like something like the

following.

Frogs sang me a round

Filling up my ears till dawn

My pond now has moons.

(You know... I sort of like it)

The following isn’t really about Haiku, but I like it.

     How To Write a Chinese Poem

     A well-known Japanese poet was asked how to compose a Chinese

poem.

     “ The usual Chinese poem has four lines,” he explained. “The

first line contains the initial phase; the second line, the contin-

uation of that phase; the third line turns from this subject and

begins a new one; and the fourth line brings the first three lines

together. A popular Japanese song illustrates this:

     Two daughters of a silk merchant live in Kyoto.

     The elder is twenty, the younger, eighteen.

     A soldier may kill with his sword,

     But these girls slay men with their eyes.”

     

     Please take care of yourself...and if any uppity 

writing teachers get in your way, slay them with a well turned

phrase.